This is
by Student Slayer
Summary: Xander's looking a hole in the ground and thinks. (Pg-13 for language)


A/N: Okay, I said I'd try anything once. So here's my first song fic. Don't laugh. It's Xander thinking about life as he's looking at a hole in the ground that was formerly known as Sunnydale. The song is Good Charlotte's "Movin' On". I've always loved the song. It gets me all hyped up. I love the fact that it's like the only CD that I have that ends with an up beat song instead of a slow one. But any way I pulled it out the CD one night not too long ago, listened to it, and these words stared flowing in my head as if Xander were telling them to me as the music played. Don't call the people who own the padded rooms, it was late at night and my mind does weird things then. I guess I need to shut up now.  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, I am filthy rich off of Buffy and this song. Yeah, right. Maybe in some other universe. Right now, I'm very poor with only this computer to my name. Don't sue. This computer is my life.

* * *

THIS IS . . .  
  
Xander couldn't believe it. It was the gone. The hellmouth was gone. And so was Anya. He sighed. He had given her up, but he still loved her. He would always love her. Giles put a hand on Xander's shoulder to tell him they should be going soon.   
  
Xander guess that one of the potentials had figured out how to work the radio. He heard the static. At least there would be something to listen to on their trip to -_where_? Xander wondered where they would go. Sunnydale was their home. He could never go home now. He heard a familiar beat. He tuned his ears to the radio._ Ah, yes, good old Good Charlotte. May not be country, but speak to me anyway_, Xander implored inside his own head.   
  
When I think about my life  
  
I wonder if I will survive  
  
To live to see 25  
  
or will I just fall?  
  
_Isn't that the truth?_  
  
Like all my friends  
  
They just keep dying  
  
_Jesse, Ms. Calender, Joyce, Buffy, and now Anya._  
  
People round me always crying  
  
_The crying never really ended.  
_  
In this place that I like to call my home  
  
_Well, I did call the Hellmouth "home".  
_  
Not everybody knows that everybody goes to a better place  
  
_Buffy had to come back and tell us that one.  
_  
Not everybody knows that everybody could be living their last days  
  
_For seven years, without fail  
_  
But the hard times will come and   
We'll keep movin' on  
We're movin' up   
Keep movin' on  
  
_ That seems oddly familiar_  
  
Life   
  
_Can you really call it that?  
_  
Hope   
  
_All I have left  
_  
Truth   
  
_Rarely do I hear it  
_  
Trust   
  
_Broken often  
_  
Faith   
  
_Something I try to keep  
_  
Pride   
  
_My better quality  
_  
Love   
  
_A good notion  
_  
Lust   
  
_ Nice to give into  
_  
On without the things we've lost  
  
_ So many people, all my possessions, my home town.  
_  
The things we've gained will take with us.  
  
_ New friends, the slayers in training (wait, they're slayers now), and this bus.  
_  
And all I've got are these two hands  
To make myself a better man  
  
_ I may not be a better man, but I have made some damn nice weapon chests.  
_  
I wonder if I'll ever see the end of this  
  
_ Did Giles just say something about another Hellmouth?  
_  
With all this rain it just keeps falling  
On my head and now I'm calling  
Out to someone to help me make it through  
  
_ It's not rain. It's tears, but I've got the gang to call on.  
_  
Not everybody knows that everybody goes to a better place  
  
_ But I know they do!  
_  
Not everybody knows that everybody could be livin' their last days  
  
_ But I know. I've always known and helped to stop it. Just like today.  
_  
But the hard times will come and we'll keep movin' on  
We're movin' up   
Keep movin' on  
  
_ That's all we really can do.  
_  
Life   
  
_ Is a strange thing.  
_  
Hope   
  
_ Still holding on to it.  
_  
Truth   
  
_ I've heard it more often.  
_  
Trust   
  
_ Slowly rebuilding.  
_  
Faith   
  
_ Spike finally died, right?  
_  
Pride   
  
_ Something to be avoided.  
_  
Love   
  
_ The greatest thing.  
_  
Lust   
  
_ Controllable  
_  
Pain   
  
_ Still there.  
_  
Hate   
  
_ I try not to do it._  
  
Lies   
  
_ Are sometimes hard to see  
_  
Guilt   
  
_ Something I can't out run  
_  
Laugh   
  
_ Hard to do  
_  
Cry   
  
_ Hard not to do  
_  
Live   
  
_ Hard to do on a hellmouth  
_  
Die   
  
_ Hard not to do on a hellmouth  
_  
Some friends become enemies  
  
_ Jesse, Angel (well, he never really was my friend), and Faith  
_  
Some friends become your family  
  
_ Buffy, Willow, Giles, Dawn  
_  
Make the best with what your given  
  
_ I always try  
_  
This ain't dying   
This is living!

_ Are you sure?  
_  
Said we're movin' on  
And we've got nothing to prove  
To anyone 'cause we'll get through  
  
_ Yeah, we do have a tendency to do that  
_  
We're movin' on and on and on and on . . .  
Keep movin' on  
  
_ We always do.  
_  
Life   
  
_ Not so bad, I guess  
_  
Hope   
  
_ Tested, tried, and still alive  
_  
Truth   
  
_ Is found in time  
_  
Trust   
  
_ Those you love  
_  
Faith   
  
_ A good friend of mine  
_  
Pride   
  
_ Something I try to ignore  
_  
Love   
  
_ Is here with my family  
_  
Lust   
  
_ Not fulfilling  
_  
Pain   
  
_ I am dealing  
_  
Hate   
  
_ Evil things  
_  
Lies   
  
_ Can be forgiven  
_  
Guilt   
  
_ Something I'll learn to live with  
_  
Laugh   
  
_ I want to  
_  
Cry   
  
_ I don't want to  
_  
Live   
  
_ I want to  
_  
Die   
  
_ I don't want to  
_  
Some friends become enemies  
Some friend become your family  
  
_ More true than anyone will ever realize  
_  
Make the best with what your given  
  
_ Even if it's a school bus!  
_  
This ain't dying  
  
_ No, it's really not.  
_  
This is living!!!  
  
_ This _**is**_ living!!!   
_  
Xander looked at the hole that once contained his whole world. A grin found it's way onto his face. The grin became a smile which was soon followed by laughter. He had survived death, _again_. Xander Harris turned his back on the life he knew. He figured it was finally time to move on and move on he would.   
  
"Yeah, we're movin' on. This ain't dying. This, well, this is living," Xander told himself as he boarded the bus without even a final look back at the hellmouth he once called home.


End file.
